rolling head over a$$ down the trail

Did [almost] 3 miles around Wilde Lake yesterday. Minimal goose dump. The trail was a bitch though. I got lost and ended up wandering aimlessly through a neighborhood for a few minutes until I spotted another trail opening. Don't ask. At one point I thought I was on an f-ing nature hike, complete with waterfall, massively steep trail, and varying species of wildlife. Speaking of massively steep trail... so glad I decided to start my walk my turning right onto the trail instead of left... if I'd had to go UP I think I would have croaked half way and turned around, good thing I was going down. However, on trip number two around the lake, when I thought it was a good idea to randomly do little spurts of running [it was funny... I didn't plan for that and wasn't wearing a sports bra... thought I was going to knock myself out] and then I had jello legs and thought I was going to roll head over ass down the hill/trail. All in all a nice walk yesterday with a great burn!

Today. Weather.com said it was going to rain this afternoon. Thursday is one of my late days at school. By the time I got home, I didn't trust the clouds/rain predictions and decided to do a video on the tv. HAHAHAHA... I a)would have looked like a total jackass had it been recorded b)think dance aerobics are way harder than they look and c)almost punted a kitty cat through the tv on accident. Was still a decent workout at least... ends up it didn't rain all damn afternoon and I could have gone outside for a walk after all... screw you weather.com and your crappy predictions.

We had chicken breasts with roasted tomatoes, mushrooms, and a gorgonzola cheese sauce over whole wheat pasta for dinner thanks to Trader Joe's. Was actually pretty good. I should have taken a picture but was in too much of a fatass hurry to snarf my food down. 

Work the next three nights so dinner will consist of whatever lean cuisine/trader joe dinner I pull out of the freezer.

Speaking of dinner... any ideas on what I should cook for dinner next week??? 

March for GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY!! And DAMN THE GEESE!!

Yesterday I got to school only to discover my normal side street parking was blocked off for giant motor coaches/buses. That's weird. Damn, I guess I have to park over on the metered street which is expensive as shit. Then I see hoards of people everywhere. Young old and everything in between. That's weird. Then I see people carrying signs... signs about saving the baby humans. That's weird. And then it hits me... FML... its March For Life day in DC. Where do I go to school??? Catholic University of America, which happens to be the gathering point for all the marchers before they go off to storm the city. I was dodging 16yr old boys clogging up the sidewalks and acting like typical teenage boy morons... SERIOUSLY?!?!?  Get the hell out of my way, I am paying a shit ton of money for the class I'm trying to walk to that you are about to make me late for. WTF are teenage boys (and kids in general) doing having an opinion about abortion anyway??? Shouldn't your ass be in school? And you have a penis for crying out loud... and if you don't want the silly little girl you are doing inappropriate things with to not get knocked up, then they make these little latex things called condoms, which are cheaper than an abortion. Half the people in my class didn't show up because they were marching... My point is this: CUA, do everyone a favor and just start canceling classes on March day, please.

Random bitching aside, lets get down to business on my fat blog.

On top of yesterday being a giant pain in my ass, the weather sucked balls too... FRIGIDLY cold, frozen fog (yes, I'm totally serious when I say frozen fog... the radio said so too), snow still on the ground... just generally narsty. Have I mentioned how much I dislike winter and its weather? For as disgusting as yesterday was, today was positively beautiful after a foggy start. 50 and sunny. My kind of weather exactly. So, after class (I won't start harping about that right now) I decided to get off my ass and go for a walk. Drove up to the lake and walked the trail... 2.15 miles with some slight up and downhills. Let me just say I hate geese. Do you know what I hate about geese? STEPPING IN THEIR SHIT!!! Damn trails were covered in it. Gross. Dog shit sucks balls too asshole that let his dog crap on the trail and didn't pick it up! That aside it really was a lovely walk. Finished with a nice 351 calories burned! Tomorrow is supposed to be just as nice... thinking about going to the slightly bigger lake for a 2.5 mile walk (and hopefully slightly less goose dump). 

I have been at or slightly under my calorie goals all week without even really trying. Jason on the other hand feels like his stomach is going to explode/implode from hunger. Have I mentioned he was a MASSIVE over eater??? HA HA... sucks for him. I've been telling him for years now to quit eating so damn much. We had homemade nachos for dinner with black beans, olives, tomatoes, and avocado, YUM! Jason still insists my moms are better, how I don't know, they are the same damn thing.

Speaking of my mom and food. While I REALLY appreciate everyones support/encouragement/advice, I have to say I have no intention now, or in the future, of becoming a vegetarian or vegan. I know some people feel it is a healthier lifestyle and they are entitled to their opinion, just as I am entitled to mine. And my opinion is that (while I'm sure it is possible) it is also very difficult for it to be a healthy lifestyle. Meat, particularly chicken and fish are great sources of protein and other vital nutrients. And I have no plans to give them up. Side note: carbs are also an important part of a balanced diet. Carbs from cake=bad. Carbs from whole grains, nuts, and taters=good. Carbs play an extremely important part in maintaining even blood glucose levels and partially controlling some urges to eat/cravings. Carbs are also beyond important when exercising. Limiting carb intake is not a great idea, monitoring carb intake is a great idea and that is what I'm doing. Back to the vegetarian thing again, we discovered back at Thanksgiving that I'm not so much a fan of the fake turkey/field roast thing... and I already know I don't like tofu (its a texture thing) so what the hell am I supposed to eat then? I can't get all my protein from nuts. I like chicken. I like fish. I even like dead cow every now and then. So my house shall continue to be a meat eating and loving house. (No offense to anyone... this is just my choice)

On that note... the hockey game is about to start. GO PENS!!

For the love of all things good in the world, can I find a decent pair of jeans?!?

I got on the scale today and nearly shit my pants.

I have said time and again that I'm serious this time, and I'm really going to do it this time, and I'm really ready this time... blah, blah, blah. But really, this is it. I'm tired feeling like a cow when climbing a hill on campus. I'm tired of my asthma being out of control. I'm tired having to search high and low for cute fat girl clothes. I'm tired of being the token fat friend. I'm tired of looking back at pictures and thinking I look like a whale. I could go on all day... to sum it up- I'M TIRED OF BEING FAT!!

I attempted this a year ago, lost 20 pounds, got sick and lazy and so on [insert excuses until the end of time] and have gained back everything I lost... plus a few I think. Not this time. I'm sticking with it. I know its possible... I've seen it happen right in front of me with my friend/coworker who has lost something like 80 pounds in the past year [hope you don't mind me talking about you!]. I just have to quit [literally] being fat and lazy and just do it.

My asthma has been horrendous the past few years. Not that anyone will come out and say it, but I know the reason... its because I'm fat. I get it. Having horrible asthma, its no fun. Being hospitalized two years in a row because of horrible asthma, its no fun. The nurses in the ER knowing my name from being an asthma frequent flier, its no fun. Just the fact that I know Albuterol, Atrovent, Xopenex, Epi, and Terbutalene won't work for my asthma attacks but Magnesium Sulfate DEFINITELY will, its no fun. True story, I was intubated and on a vent from an asthma attack [in my fat's defense- floor wax here at the hospital I work at, NOT SO NICE] but still, thats ridiculous!!! I have to wonder, if I was minus 50 pounds, would my asthma ever have gotten this bad??? I know this much, losing any amount of weight most certainly will help to improve my asthma.

I have PCOS [polycystic ovarian syndrome]. I have had it since I was 15. I'm not gonna go into all the details of the hell it causes in the body, but I will say this: it makes it a total bitch to try and get pregnant. We have tried for 3+ years now to make a baby, with every medication and procedure short of an IVF, and still no luck. You know what helps improve your chances of making a baby??? NOT BEING FAT!!! Granted there will be NO baby making until after May 17, 2014... I refuse to work fulltime, go to school fulltime, and be pregnant. NOT happening. Even if I wanted to do an IVF cycle right this very moment, I couldn't... too fat. I would have to lose about 27 pounds in order for my Dr to do it. So, what makes more sense than now, while I'm in school and absolutely not getting pregnant, losing weight to help my chances when the time comes.

You know what really set me off with all this? I can't find a decent pair of jeans to save my life! Seriously... its hard enough to find good jeans when you are skinny [or so I've been told]... try finding good jeans when you are fat! Its a nightmare. Not just jeans, all clothes... I have to hope and pray that Old Navy Plus [which is only online, total pain in the ass especially when you suck at returning shit you don't end up liking/doesn't fit] has a cute line out that season... otherwise its the same old clothes that I'm sick and tired of looking at. There is an easy solution to the hunt for cute fat clothes... QUIT BEING FAT!!!

This is the OFFICIAL beginning of my weight loss story. I will bitch and moan. I will cry. I will surely do a lot of dumb and entertaining stuff, all of which I am more than happy to share with whoever [whomever?? which is it??] decides to read my blog along the way. There is guaranteed to be a lot of sarcasm, complaining, self-deprecating humor, and more complaining. But this is really it.

I don't want to be fat anymore.