I got on the scale today and nearly shit my pants.
I have said time and again that I'm serious this time, and I'm really going to do it this time, and I'm really ready this time... blah, blah, blah. But really, this is it. I'm tired feeling like a cow when climbing a hill on campus. I'm tired of my asthma being out of control. I'm tired having to search high and low for cute fat girl clothes. I'm tired of being the token fat friend. I'm tired of looking back at pictures and thinking I look like a whale. I could go on all day... to sum it up- I'M TIRED OF BEING FAT!!
I attempted this a year ago, lost 20 pounds, got sick and lazy and so on [insert excuses until the end of time] and have gained back everything I lost... plus a few I think. Not this time. I'm sticking with it. I know its possible... I've seen it happen right in front of me with my friend/coworker who has lost something like 80 pounds in the past year [hope you don't mind me talking about you!]. I just have to quit [literally] being fat and lazy and just do it.
My asthma has been horrendous the past few years. Not that anyone will come out and say it, but I know the reason... its because I'm fat. I get it. Having horrible asthma, its no fun. Being hospitalized two years in a row because of horrible asthma, its no fun. The nurses in the ER knowing my name from being an asthma frequent flier, its no fun. Just the fact that I know Albuterol, Atrovent, Xopenex, Epi, and Terbutalene won't work for my asthma attacks but Magnesium Sulfate DEFINITELY will, its no fun. True story, I was intubated and on a vent from an asthma attack [in my fat's defense- floor wax here at the hospital I work at, NOT SO NICE] but still, thats ridiculous!!! I have to wonder, if I was minus 50 pounds, would my asthma ever have gotten this bad??? I know this much, losing any amount of weight most certainly will help to improve my asthma.
I have PCOS [polycystic ovarian syndrome]. I have had it since I was 15. I'm not gonna go into all the details of the hell it causes in the body, but I will say this: it makes it a total bitch to try and get pregnant. We have tried for 3+ years now to make a baby, with every medication and procedure short of an IVF, and still no luck. You know what helps improve your chances of making a baby??? NOT BEING FAT!!! Granted there will be NO baby making until after May 17, 2014... I refuse to work fulltime, go to school fulltime, and be pregnant. NOT happening. Even if I wanted to do an IVF cycle right this very moment, I couldn't... too fat. I would have to lose about 27 pounds in order for my Dr to do it. So, what makes more sense than now, while I'm in school and absolutely not getting pregnant, losing weight to help my chances when the time comes.
You know what really set me off with all this? I can't find a decent pair of jeans to save my life! Seriously... its hard enough to find good jeans when you are skinny [or so I've been told]... try finding good jeans when you are fat! Its a nightmare. Not just jeans, all clothes... I have to hope and pray that Old Navy Plus [which is only online, total pain in the ass especially when you suck at returning shit you don't end up liking/doesn't fit] has a cute line out that season... otherwise its the same old clothes that I'm sick and tired of looking at. There is an easy solution to the hunt for cute fat clothes... QUIT BEING FAT!!!
This is the OFFICIAL beginning of my weight loss story. I will bitch and moan. I will cry. I will surely do a lot of dumb and entertaining stuff, all of which I am more than happy to share with whoever [whomever?? which is it??] decides to read my blog along the way. There is guaranteed to be a lot of sarcasm, complaining, self-deprecating humor, and more complaining. But this is really it.
I don't want to be fat anymore.
Hey Allison....have you tried Ashley Stewart or Torrid. I get my jeans from there and they are decent and flattering. You could even try the store Dots which is very affordable, but all the stores I mentioned are for plus size and still stylish.
ReplyDeleteSo very proud of you Alli on so many levels. We all know you have an iron will. Here is a little helpful info to guide the way. Read the book "Eat to Live" and mark this website as a favorite.http://www.drfuhrman.com/
ReplyDeleteLove, Mom
Hi Alli, You don't know me, but hopefully we will meet some day. I am your mom's friend. I am so impressed with your firm decision to work on losing weight!!! Look at this way - you are choosing to eat to live. Enough of that living to eat. It was fun (kinda, while it was lasting), but eating to live happy and healthy life will be much, much more fun. I have had my own struggles with weight. Even though I barely met the official category of "overweight", I was so addicted to chocolates, and all kinds of sweets, to the point where my cholesterol levels and glucose levels were getting close to borderline. And, just recently, I got tired of allowing food having control over me. I chose to Eat to Live! I am in my third week eating healthy - lots and lots of veggies and fruits, and minimum amount carbs and of course no chocolates. Only vegan low fat black bean brownies made with agave syrup that taste OH SO YUMMY!!! I had struggles first week, I desperately wanted to stop by the store and get me just that one Snicker bar , and start "clean" again another day. But, I didn't. By the second week, I can tell you I am former sugar addict. It is unbelievable how addiction to bad foods disappears so quickly and your taste changes and you actually start craving green leafy veggies instead of junk food!!!! As your mom said, read Eat to Live book. Also, if you have Netflix, there is a documentary called "Forks Over Knives". Worthy of watching. Wishing you all the best, and will follow your blog :)
ReplyDeleteJayla